Articles - Candace Doby

facing fear increases tolerance for discomfort

/31 Jan 2019

3 Rewards For Confronting Fear

There are rewards for confronting fear, even if the confrontation ends with girls stumbling into a corner, sliding into a fetal ball and burying their faces between their knees. The rewards I’m referring to can be hard for girls to recognize if their focus is on failed attempts, their weaknesses, how badly they embarrassed themselves or how improbable rebounding will be. But. These intangible blue ribbons are available to girls and everyone else willing to suspend self-pity, chin up and introspect. Clarity Win, lose or draw, confrontation with fear offers clarity. The first thing girls get clear...

/09 Jan 2019

2 Ways For Girls To Strengthen Purpose

Courage want girls to win, but it will not fight every battle. Courage never rushes to lace up its vintage combat boots and meet girls on the frontline of fear for a half-hearted or externally motivated pursuit. It would much rather chill on the sofa watching reruns of Beyoncé at Coachella than show up for girls who find purpose in gaining attention or protecting egos. Courage judiciously joins the sides of girls when their purpose for action is worthy. Why? Because a weak cause is not enough to overcome the fear associated with risky and threatening circumstances, like standing out...

Outcome doesn't override or erase courage

/15 Feb 2017

What does outcome have to do with courage?

Nothing. A high school crush taught me that. I had a ridiculously big crush on James*. Bigger than the ones I had on Keith* and Shawn*. The butterflies in my belly swarmed when I saw him, and the only way to settle them was to turn away. But, I never wanted to miss the smoothness of his steps or the brightness of his smile. James was the tall, dark, beautiful basketball star that every girl in the high school wanted. Including me. I contemplated for weeks about whether to write him a note disclosing my attraction. What if he liked...

/12 Jan 2017

The Courage To Be in 2017

What had a year’s worth of inquisitiveness about courage amounted to? That’s the question I reflected on a few days before the end of 2016. I had a virtual pile of notes about its nature, variables, development and application, and sifting back through it reminded me about the virtue’s complexity and power. Courage has been discussed, debated and researched for over 2,000 years, yet it doesn’t have a universally accepted definition despite it being universally admired. Summoning the virtue can also be a bit of a puzzle, requiring many of its pieces to fall perfectly into place. One of those...

/31 Oct 2016

Commitment: An Important Tool in the Courage Toolbox

I was one click away from buying a round-trip ticket to Ubud, Indonesia. An arduous slow dance with Fear got me to that point. I took one measured step at a time and pushed Fear back at the same pace. But, now, Fear wasn’t so moveable. It sat beside me at my desk, shoulder to shoulder, reiterating with vigor why traveling across the world by myself was a terrible idea. I could get hurt or kidnapped or lost or panicked or homesick or stranded or confused or swindled. Its tone transitioned from authoritative to desperate, but the entire diatribe registered...

/28 Sep 2016

One place everyone should have the courage to go

The customs lady asked me two million more question than she did the couples before me. She sensed my annoyance and offered that she was “doing her job,” but the bewilderment in her brows and disbelief in her tone hinted at her personal bias against vacationing alone. My taxi driver inquired, rather dramatically, “How can you enjoy your own company [on vacation]?” In the quiet time I took to figure out if he was joking, he asked me again. I guess he wasn’t. I had every intention of writing an article about conjuring the courage to travel alone — by...

/16 Sep 2016

35 Lessons for my younger self (and other girls)

I turned 35 today, and like a few other milestone birthdays, this one brought with it an irresistible charge to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned throughout the years. Here are 35 of them I’d relay to my younger self and other girls. Remember to play. Everyday. Follow your curiosity. Concern yourself more with feeling good than looking good. Be careful who you tell your dreams to. Spend more time doing than dreaming. Force nothing … not your foot in a shoe, not your self in a relationship. Cook more than you eat out. Feed your creative soul. Learn how...

building a better relationship with fear

/11 Aug 2016

To Act Courageously, Build a Better Relationship With Fear

Fear is a deeply ancient instinct and an evolutionarily vital one … but it ain’t especially smart. – Elizabeth Gilbert I read Eat Pray Love when I was 27. The book’s vivid descriptions of Indonesia’s culture and countryside painted pictures of detailed wood-carvings, colorful temples and sprawling rice paddies in my imagination. And I was there. In the middle of it all. Shining in the sun, marveling at nature’s grandeur and breathing in the freedom of being halfway across the world by myself, just like author Elizabeth Gilbert. Then, I snapped out of it. The last thought produced a panic...