Fear has a coercive way of keeping you focused on everything that could go wrong from taking a single step forward (failure, rejection, humiliation and judgment) in order to hold you in your place. 

But, you know the world around you is changing, and something needs to change for you. You need to take a risk that helps you speak up and move differently.  The only problem is that your fear doesn’t seem to be budging, and as a result, neither are you. That means getting yourself out of this debilitating cycle of inactivity comes down to one thing: building a healthier relationship with fear. 

If the uncertainty of this year has complicated your relationship with fear, consider these 5 ways to get back to a more productive place.

Understand to how fear operates.

While turning your head or burying your face between your hands might be knee-jerk reactions to dealing with conscious fear, you’ll do yourself a favor if you actually pay attention to it.  What you’ll see is paranoia masquerading as power, and what you’ll learn is that fear is not in the least bit sophisticated. In fear’s effort to fully protect you from pitfalls, it also will block your from your potential (if you let it). Fear is not refined enough to distinguish between obstacles and opportunities, so it does the only thing it can do and shields you from all of it. When you allow fear to lead, it takes charge by reducing everything in front of you, the bad and the good, to rubble. Once you understand this operating code, you can gain more clarity about how to adjust and adapt your approach to your relationship with fear to make it more equitable. 

Hear fear out.

It’s hard to listen in a relationship when the entity on the other end comes across as anxious and antagonistic. Even though fear annoys the heck out of you, you’ll encourage cooperation if you take a beat and hear fear out. What comes next is a diatribe about how unsafe, uncomfortable and unflattering the thing is that you want to explore. A new strategic direction. The culture you inherited. Your leadership persona. Your ears may start to ring from listening to the tedious streak of warnings, but there’s a plus side to hanging in there. When you hear fear out, you can start to digest what’s causing the most unease. Fear invites you to look in the direction where it’s ringing the alarm. What you notice may be details you’ve been ignoring or a red flag you didn’t see. Then, it becomes your turn to offer up food for thought for fear to chew on. To be clear, the entrée should be information, but not any ol’ piece of data will do. Fear starts to simmer down into a spell of satisfaction when you feed it facts that help it understand that you’ve got this. You trust yourself. When you remind fear about your past successes taking similar actions, your strengths, your preparation, and your skills, you serve up the equivalent of a t-bone straight into fear’s belly, which can pacify it enough to allow you to move past go.    

Eliminate separation as an option.  

Wishing that fear would simply go away is energy irresponsibly spent because it’s unlikely to happen — not for long, at least. You and fear are like Jay-Z and Beyoncé, Jada Pinkett and Will Smith. You are entangled. That reality leaves you and fear to deal with each other, to commit.  Fearlessness is really hard to reach. You either reach it through rashness (acting hastily and stupid) or through mastery (having expert-level proficiency.) When you mentally remove the option of leaving fear behind, you create space to figure out how exactly to get along. You become solutions oriented. And, maybe that means you’ll need to establish a few ground rules, also known as boundaries. Setting up boundaries could come in the form of giving yourself a time limit to listen to fear’s grievances or allowing fear to come along for your ride if it promises to behave in the backseat. There’s no limit to how creative you can get to make your relationship with fear work when you accept that running away from it is not a viable option.

Have a laugh.

Relationship experts agree that a good sense of humor is foundational to a healthy union, which means your relationship with fear should include a lot of laughter. That laughter, for clarity’s sake, should be directed at … yourself. When you feel yourself spiraling into a loop of negativity because of something fear has said or compelled you to do, pause. And, laugh. Take it upon yourself to release the tension, confusion and awkwardness sitting on your shoulders with a hearty, honest cackle. In the process, you may also suspend the feeling of unease long enough to recognize the irrationality of fear’s hype and give yourself an entry point into resetting the energy in the relationship. 

See fear for what it is.

You’ve heard before that good relationships allow participants to be their true selves. Your relationship with fear is no different. An important question to ask yourself is whether you have constructed fear into something that it is not, preventing it from doing what it does best. When you spend real time on that question, you may realize that your stuckness and stagnation is not really because of fear. It’s because of your cognitive response to how you see fear. Said another way, fear is not your problem. Your inability to manage it is. There’s no doubt that fear can get beside itself and cause a fuss, but that doesn’t mean it’s fully responsible for your paralyzation. Research says that fear “acts as a signal of danger, threat, or motivational conflict.” But, it’s up to you to determine what kind of signal fear is really sending off. Fear isn’t necessarily the red flashing light commanding you to stop, turn around or hide in a corner until the coast is clear.  Fear, instead, can be the yellow light that wants you to slow down and be cautious (sometimes too cautious). This means that, at least, some of the work needed to improve your relationship with fear involves refocusing your gaze and seeing fear for what it is. 

The Bottom Line

The uncertainty and turbulence of the year may have thrown your relationship with fear into a tailspin, leaving you with a heightened sense of urgency to make it better. In your committed effort to work on your relationship, be sure to pay attention to how fear operates. Understanding how it moves will help you tailor your approach when confronting it. You can also improve the relationship by listening to your fear. Hearing it out helps you to have effective dialogue. As badly as you’d like to break up with your fear forever, try to eliminate the thought of divorce from your consideration. Fear is here to stay, so your energy is better spend figuring out how to live with it. Accept fear for what it is. Don’t expect anything more or less from it than what it offers.  And lastly, laugh at yourself when you become overwhelmed with fear. The lightness of a laugh can help you to recalibrate the energy circulating between you and your fear.  

Mark resisted.

For weeks, he came up with different scenarios that would *fingers crossed* allow him to continue working we me. He loved that our team — a work community that expected and celebrated risk-taking. Our team had a strong focus on giving constructive feedback, elevating each others’ ideas, testing the reliability of our skills and performing excellent work.

It wasn’t until Mark’s near refusal to leave that I recognized I had built something special: a Courage-Ready Culture™ where team members felt equipped to engage with uncertainty for the good of the team and business.

Through my work as a leadership development strategist and student of courage, I’ve come to understand how critical it is for teams and organizations to cultivate a culture where risk-taking is routine in order to position themselves for the future.

Here’s what your team or organization needs to have a Courage-Ready Culture. Then, you can decide if you’re working within one.

What is a Courage-Ready Culture?

Defining company culture can be difficult (like deciding where to eat out). The simplest and most digestible definition, though, may come from Gallup, which defines culture as,”how we do things around here.” Culture is how people within an organization exemplify company values within the smallest tasks to the biggest projects. It’s the company vibe potential new hires assess to see if it’s a place they’d like to work. Culture is the palpable energy that attracts or repels customers.

Culture, quite honestly, is everything. According to  Lou Gerstner Jr. from IBM, “culture isn’t just one aspect of the game, it is the game. In the end, an organization is nothing more than the collective capacity of its people to create value.”

So, how do you tap into the fullness of that capacity?  I believe doing so requires creating Courage-Ready Culture where people within the organization are equipped to take worthwhile risks.

There are three critical parts to this definition worthy of breaking down: courage-ready, equipped and desire.

In a Courage-Ready Culture, people are equipped to take worthwhile risks.

Courage-Ready – When you think of a football player being game-ready, you may imagine the player going hard on drills, watching tapes, or meditating to visualize success. When a piece of art is camera-ready, it has been set up with the bleeds and crop marks necessary to be printed. Being ready means being well-positioned to engage with possibility — in these cases, the possibility (but not the guarantee) of winning or becoming a canvas. If a professional, then, is courage-ready, they are well-positioned to take risks and engage with both uncertainty and possibility when delivering on an organization’s strategic agenda. In a courage-ready culture, that professional exists in multiples.

Equipped – When professionals are equipped within a Courage-Ready Culture, they have the support, ability and desire they need to take risks and engage with uncertainty and possibility.

Support is more than a pat on the back. It’s about having someone’s back. It’s psychological safety and protection from outside interference. Research shows that “positive team climate is the most important driver of psychological safety,” and it’s often the team leader’s responsibility to create it. When psychological safety is present, team members don’t fret about being retaliated against for disagreeing or being humiliated for making a mistake. They, instead, feel empowered to make decisions in service of the team’s agenda. Support also shows up in a courage-ready culture as active listening (not brushing off, waiting to reply, or interrupting … but listening) so team members feel respected and heard. In addition, the word “no” is infrequently used. Leaders committed to a Courage-ready Culture prioritize curiosity, collaboration and “finding the yes” in their team members’ ideas. Support looks, feels and sounds like, “Win, lose or draw: We’re in this together.”

Leaders committed to a Courage-ready Culture prioritize curiosity, collaboration and “finding the yes” in their team members’ ideas.

Having the right ability, means professionals have the tools and training to believe in the reliability of their skills. They know how to appropriately evaluates risks so they can move forward with insight rather than insecurity. They understand the kind of motivation necessary to sustain them as they navigate through challenge. And, they have the skill and confidence to anchor them if less-than-ideal outcomes arise.

Desire – Lastly, professionals need the right desire to be equipped in a courage-ready culture. Their willingness to take risks is determined, in part,  by how well they are encouraged by their circumstances. And, their circumstances are shaped, for better or worse, by what they see. Afterall, seeing is believing. They want to see their managers model courageous behavior by speaking up and advocating for what is right.   Research shows that observing how someone confidently responds to a situation that you may later encounter could increase your propensity to respond in a similar way. Verbal affirmation can also influence desire. When managers’ verbally affirm their team members — when the remind them about their skills, strengths and capabilities — they can positively impact psychological and behavioral outcomes.

Worthwhile Risk – Risks worth taking in the workplace are not double dog dares to see who can perform the best or fastest. They, instead, relate to speaking up, stepping up and showing up authentically to be in service of an organization’s strategic agenda, particularly when there is challenge and uncertainty . When professionals take these actions, they are known to be courageously owning their brilliance.

Why does my organization need a courage-ready culture?

Organizations are made up of people — people who, ultimately, determine the level of success and influence their organizations attain.  Reaching the highest levels of innovation, growth, service and success depend upon professionals doing more than what they are told. It depends upon them substantially and repeatedly accessing and applying their brilliance, which generates from their unique combination of background, education and experience. This combination paired with their skills and talents is precisely the place that informs their creativity and contribution to their organization. It’s the place where professionals challenge half-baked ideas that they know won’t deliver anticipated results or raise concerns about gender or racial exclusion in the newest campaign. It’s the place from where they ask for help, give critical feedback and raise their hand to take the lead. 

Organizations have a substantial responsibility to create the conditions where their people can contribute their highest value, particularly when doing so is met with challenge and uncertainty.

But, going there isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be rather risky. Professionals can bump up against the status quo, resistance born out of insecurity and other environmental barriers that deter them from sharing their best. And, environment determines behavior. Therefore, organizations have a substantial responsibility to create the conditions where their people can contribute their highest value, particularly when doing so is met with challenge and uncertainty. When the right conditions exist, professionals at all levels within an organization are equipped with the support, ability and desire to take worthwhile risks — risks that are necessary for professional and organizational growth.

How do I know if my team environment is reflective of a Courage-Ready Culture?

Here are seven guiding questions to consider. If you answer “no” to any one of these, you aren’t working in a Courage-Ready Culture just yet.

1. Do I trust that if I speak up with an unpopular opinion or make a mistake, my manager will support me through it?

2. Do I have confidence that if I speak up with an unconventional idea or solution to a problem, my manager and team members listen and offer ways to elevate the idea, rather than dismiss it?

3. Do I have confidence that the leaders on my team will try to find the yes in my ideas, rather than tell me that “we just don’t do it that way around here?”

4. Do I know how to properly evaluate risks to determine if they are worth taking?

5. Do I know how to properly evaluate my motivations for taking risks?

6. Do I know how to properly evaluate my internal resources to determine if they form a reliable foundation to navigate challenge and uncertainty?

7. Do I see my the leaders on my team and in my organization taking risks (like speak up, stepping up or showing up authentically) to be service of the organization’s strategic agenda?

When reflecting on my own team at Chipotle, I know having a Courage-Ready Culture was at the center of what made our team successful. It was foundational to our team delivering some of the program’s biggest wins. It was a critical factor in why Mark, so relentlessly, wanted to stay on my team.

And, eventually his efforts to do so paid off. Mark ended up staying on my team until the end.

Do you work in a Courage-Ready Culture? Leave your comments.

Throughout her career, perfectionism led her to pull long hours, second guess her judgement, work through vacations and say yes to every request. She produced amazing results … that came with knots in her shoulders, an exhausting believe that she had to prove herself and a constant thought loop about what people would think of her if she failed.

She made a personal commitment to live and work with minimal stress, but not much changed in her approach to work thereafter. She continued to disregard boundaries and put herself through emotional hell. She couldn’t figure out why perfectionism kept showing up, unbidden, after her new agreement, and it frustrated the heck out of her.

I knew she was protecting something. When I asked her what it was, she thought for a moment and replied, “what other people think of me.”

What she, and thousands of other professionals like her, really mean by saying this is, “I am reluctant to make the healthiest, most honest-to-goodness choices for myself if it means creating dissonance within my professional circles – even if the current harmony I enjoy is harmful.” 

Eagerness to sidestep external disruption is understandable and instinctive. But, disruption is a tricky little thing in matters of personal courage. Dodging tension on the outside often sets up an unwelcome invitation for tension on the inside.

This means: disruption is unavoidable in circumstances that require courage, and encounters with it will either be external or internal. I’ve learned, through my work that professionals, like my client, would have to decide which kind of disruption they were willing to endure.

Internal Disruption  

This type of disruption is like a wave of guilt that antes up when professionals act in a way that doesn’t vibe with their personal morals, values and truth. That often includes choosing reluctant agreement or refusing to enforce a boundary in order to maintain things as they are, including a particular perception they want colleague to have of them.  

Despite their outside world remaining the same, their inside state is increasingly cluttered with confusion, unease and knots in their shoulders. On top of that, internal disruption sets professionals up for stunted development, mediocrity and regret. So, why is this even a choice? Professionals I’ve worked with choose internal disruption when they don’t fully understand what they have to lose. They can often grasp what’s at stake if they disrupt the people, places and things around them. They might loose access to the inner circle or high-visibility projects. Professionals, however, give less intentional focus to what they might lose if they don’t take action. My client didn’t fully understand what was on the line if she maintained an agreement with perfectionism — that her mental and physical would deteriorate.

External Disruption 

External disruption is a side-effect of acting with courage and knocking the status quo off balance. To be clear, if courage was a person, it would be unconventional and rebellious. It wouldn’t offer an indifferent shoulder shrug to challenges or heartlessly go along to get along. In matters of personal courage, external disruption often happens when professionals side with themselves, especially when siding with themselves is unpopular or inconvenient.

Making the courageous decision to let good enough be good enough could lead to tension or unease in the workplace, which isn’t necessarily easy to deal with but also isn’t likely permanent. So, what’s the problem with professionals choose external disruption? Many people find it difficult to choose themselves above other people’s comfort and expectations because unlike internal disruption, external disruption is visible, and therefore, hard to ignore. It’s palpability makes dealing with it everything but optional.  External disruption requires professionals to have competence and confidence to believe in and rely on when criticism spikes and unease mounts.  Without these resources, it’s often easier for professionals to dismiss internal turmoil to avoid agitating external conditions. 

Disruption is unavoidable when it comes to personal courage. Whether professionals know it or not, they’re always choosing disruption. The question is, which kind of disruption are they choosing? My work as coach is to help professionals build the necessary tools of courage to take worthwhile risks, which often includes choosing themselves.

I can almost recite word for word a familiar question I get during Q&A sessions after I present.

“How do I get my team to come out of their shells to be more courageous at work?”

There’s no doubt that professionals want to take worthwhile risks in the workplace. Part one of this series explored specific actions they want to pursue. But if you ask some managers, they’ll likely tell you that they can’t crack the code on getting these team members to move past go.

Managers have more pressure on them than ever to produce efficient results, show value that can’t be duplicated by artificial intelligence and build skills among team members that help position their organizations for success in the future.  And, their success as managers is inextricably tied to amplifying their team’s ability to perform to their potential.

I asked over 210 professionals from a range of industries — from finance to real estate to youth development to science  —  in an open-ended survey, what was stopping them from acting courageously at work. And, their responses revealed four clear answers.

This is the second installment of a three-part series that illuminates what risks employees want to take, what stops them from taking them and what they can do to move forward to courageously step into their potential.

Lack of Support

About 14.2% of respondents cited a lack of support as the barrier blocking the way to acting courageously at work. For many, a lack of support meant feeling unheard by their managers. Respondents reported that “management has a history of not taking my suggestions” and that “it’s hard to support the little guy when management doesn’t want to hear it.” Others noted that they had previously stepped out of their comfort zone in a move towards courage but got shut down, which, as a result, shut down their desire to try again. “When I have asked before, I got a chuckle, and they walked away,” one respondent said. Another responded, with a palpable sense of exasperation, that “it would be easier to find another job than to push my ideas.”

When professionals feel like their unique ideas and perspectives go unheard, unnoticed and undervalued, they stop trying. They stop contributing. Managers who most need their team members to speak up and step up to help grow the business can often be the same managers who — due to a lack of support — deter them from being visible and vocal. And, as a result, professionals become disengaged and less productive, both of which can adversely impact the organization’s culture and bottom line. 

Fear of Rejection

Another 13.7% of survey participants reported that a fear of rejection kept them from acting courageously at work. Respondents revealed that they didn’t want others to “perceive I’m the problem” or that they feared “rejection of my ideas.” I’ve often talked about fear of rejection in my work, and what I’ve come to understand (and written about before) is that no one wants to lose access to the inner circle or opportunities to lead projects and be promoted. So, we learn to demonstrate pro-social behaviors so we can go along and get along with the group. So much of our brains are devoted to social interaction. Overcoming the fear of rejection requires individual effort and intention. It also requires organizations to create the conditions where professionals feel safe — where they don’t feel like they’ll be retaliated against for bringing their ideas, concerns and true selves forward.

Fear of the Unknown

About 12.2% of respondents wrote that a fear of not knowing keeps them from acting courageously at work. Survey participants in this group used words and phrases like “uncertainty,” “fear of the unknown” and “might not be able to” in their responses. It’s quite natural for anyone to want to feel a sense of certainty before diving into a new project or experience. But, risk, inherently, carries a quality of not knowing with it. This means, professionals who are unable or unwilling to engage with the unknown are professionals who are unable or unwilling to take risks. And, when professionals aren’t taking risks, they’re not discovering how reliable their skills are and what they’re capable of.  This untapped potential, undoubtedly, impacts how far an organization can go and grow.

Fear of Failure

Professionals who responded to the survey — 10.3% of them — identified fear of failure as their challenge to acting courageously at work. They revealed that they “don’t want to disappoint,” “get it wrong” or “make mistakes.” One respondent said they were “worried I might be given the chance, then fail.” When professionals feel like failing isn’t well tolerated within their organizations or on their teams, they’ll do whatever is necessary to protect themselves from it. Often that means, they won’t step outside their comfort zones to own their brilliance. As I have written before, organizations stacked with professionals who are afraid of failing are fundamentally restricted from reaching their highest level of excellence. (The professionals themselves are, too.)

These four responses make up about half of the reported reasons why professionals don’t take worthwhile risks at work. In the last installment of this series, I’ll dive into what organizations can do to create a courage-ready culture where their people are equipped to courageously speak up, step up and show up in the workplace. 

I meet professionals from all over who want to know, “how do I build up my confidence … to become a better speaker, negotiate my salary, advocate for my ideas …?”

Their curiosity is good, but they’re often a bit surprised when I politely tell them that there’s a better question to ask about confidence.

The reality is they already know how to build confidence (and you do, too) — just like they know how to tie their shoes.

In fact, strategies used to figure out how to loop shoelaces together are the same strategies you can use to build confidence for everything else, including the hard stuff.  The confidence-building process doesn’t change according to tasks.

What you (and professionals like you) really need the answer to is: “Do I have what it takes to endure the discomfort that is part of the confidence-building process?”

The Confidence-Building Process

Before you became a confident, shoe-tying master, you asked someone older and wiser to break down the steps for you. You listened. You watched. Then, you followed along. You skipped steps. You messed up, got frustrated, and wondered if tying shoes was really for you. You questioned if you were smart enough to make it happen while looking around for your velcro sneakers.

But, then you reminded yourself that you really wanted to learn how to tie your own shoes. You listened and focused more intently. And, you practiced on you own until you made your first bow. You repeatedly tied your laces until you felt sure you had it. 

Building confidence involves asking appropriate people for help — people who are knowledgeable and trustworthy. It calls for modeling confident people and following their example. Confidence-building also requires adjusting your attitude. According to Roger Fritz, author of The Power of a Positive Attitude, “Attitude affects how you feel both physically and mentally, and it affects how successful you are in achieving your goals.”

Reminding yourself of your strengths and practicing relentlessly are also important strategies to build confidence.

You know all of this. (Though, you may have forgotten how to access the information.)

So, then you don’t really struggle with how to build confidence. You’re likely struggling with something else: the discomfort that is part of the confidence-building process.

You don’t want the process to hurt. I get it. But, no one ever said that confidence-building was romantic.

The frustration, discouragement and difficulty experienced on the journey to tying a shoe is a similar, yet lightweight, version of the frustration, discouragement, and difficulty that may be associated with the pursuit of goals like becoming a better speaker or standing up for your ideas.

According to the psychologist Guy Winch, self-confidence “is built by demonstrating real ability.” But, few people talk about how mentally taxing it can be to achieve that “real ability.” 

The Right Question To Ask About Confidence

The question about confidence you must answer for yourself is, “Am I willing to endure the discomfort that is part of the confidence building process?” Too often, the question gets masked behind the more familiar “how to” question. 

So, where does this pain, or discomfort, come from?  

It comes from awareness of the seemingly unconquerable space between where you are and the skills you need to get where you are trying to go. Who likes to be bad at something that they actually want to be pretty decent in? Nobody. A professional who wants to negotiate her salary but has no idea what to say would need to admit that she don’t know where to start or fake it like she does. These actions raise internal questions about competence and authenticity, respectively, and can contribute to psychological distress. 

In addition, this professional would likely need to ask for help, which can also add to mental discomfort because the action is often (yet erroneously) translated to weakness or neediness.  Practice is the greatest indicator of progress but also the greatest reminder that there may be a lot more work to do. And, that recognition can hurt.

Humans are wired to be comfortable and choose the path of least resistance. Unfortunately, the easiest route is often avoidance. It’s why we so effortlessly and automatically retreat to a comfort zone when things don’t feel warm and fuzzy. This is the hard realization of building confidence. It’s the part that needs more consideration and conversation to help individuals build up the resource.

In order to develop confidence, you will have to endure distress. Or, in the words of one of my coaches, you’ll have to be willing “to be bad long enough to get good.” That means you’ll have to try, mess up, get frustrated, wonder if you’re making progress, experience cognitive overload, risk embarrassment, battle with ego and more before you reach a self-satisfactory level of confidence.  Whew. That’s a lot.

The Takeaway

Confidence is a key component of courage. If an appropriate (not perfect) level is missing for what you want to do, it’ll be tougher to act courageously. The question you’ll need to be able to answer about confidence is, “Am I willing to endure the pain that is part of the confidence building process.”

If you’d like a partner to assist you with building confidence to pursue your most meaningful goals, let’s talk about one-on-one coaching.

I recently chatted with my friend Heather Hansen on her podcast, Elegant Warrior. Midway through our conversation, she asked if there was a common challenge I observed among coaching clients that kept them from flexing their courage muscle to own and demonstrate their brilliance at work. After a brief pause, I answered, in so many words, “fear of failure.”

Upon further reflection, I realized I covered only part of the answer.

There are, I believe, three common actions professionals often need courage for — speaking up, showing up authentically and stepping up. And, interestingly, I’ve found three big fears to coincide with these actions and contribute to difficulty some professionals experience with unleashing their potential and power in the workplace. Here they are … and what professionals can do about them in 2023 to help fuel professional growth.

Fear of Judgment:
Why professionals don’t speak up

Tiffany, a medical professional, wanted to share an idea with her boss about how to improve internal communication, but she chose not to out of fear that the idea may not be “strong enough.” Sean, a public relations professional, devised a new strategy to collect data for client campaigns, but decided not to bring it up to colleagues who were more tenured and experienced than him.

We’re human, which means we’re social beings, which also means we’re wired for connection and belonging. It’s no surprise, then, that we value what other people think about us — how smart or strategic or skilled we are — and consider how our ideas or actions may impact our social standing. Fear of judgment, referred to Fear of Negative Evaluation in psychology,  runs deep.

According to research, Fear of Negative Evaluation has a pyscho-evolutionary foundation (and purpose). “Negative evaluations decrease social status with the risk of ultimate social exclusion. Thus, Fear of Negative Evaluation supposedly serves to avoid downward shifts in social hierarchy.” And, let’s be clear … social hierarchies exist within professional organizations. Quite simply, professionals don’t want to lose their spot at the water-cooler or their seat at the table by potentially saying something “off the mark.” They don’t want to lose professional momentum and progress, however big or small or arduous it may be. They don’t want to lose access to people, projects and promotions as a result of being poorly evaluated. So, they eliminate or minimize chances to be judged.

This is not good.

It’s not good for professional growth, which ultimately means it’s not good for organizational growth. Fear of judgement keeps professionals from creating — from acting on the potential of their new ideas or unique perspectives and gaining access to possibilities that didn’t previously exist. In organizations, this impacts creativity and innovation. The good news is that there are implementable strategies to begin managing this fear. They’ll come a bit later, after taking a look at the next two fears.

Fear of Failure:
Why professionals don’t step up

A brief conversation with a conference attendee following one of my presentations revealed that the financial services professional had reservations about promoting up to a job where she would have to manage her current friends and peers. What if I fail? There’s a fancy psychology term for fear of failure: atychiphobia. It sounds like “ah-ticky-phobia.” According to psychologist Guy Winch, though, most people who say they’re afraid of failure are really more afraid of shame. “Rather than feeling guilt or regret about their inadequacies, people living with this fear often end up experiencing a diminished sense of self-worth.” Research uncovers that we came to feel shame as an evolutionary biological deterrent to acting in a way that wasn’t agreeable to the group — that would prevent the group from rendering assistance.

But, today’s professionals aren’t foraging in the wilderness with the pack. Quite honestly, if they’re not failing, they’re not discovering. If they’re not failing, they’re not pushing the boundaries of creation. They’re not learning how reliable or unreliable their skills are or flexing their resilience muscle. An organization stacked with professionals who are afraid of failing are fundamentally restricted from reaching their highest level of excellence. (The professionals themselves are, too.) Therefore, it is important for fear of failure to be reframed. More on that coming.

Fear of Rejection:
Why professionals don’t show up

A Black, professional woman in banking I know wanted to wear her natural hair to work as an honest, authentic expression of her experience and identity, but she flat-ironed her coils each morning before leaving for work. She didn’t want to, in her words, “deal with the looks and whispers of rejection.” Fear of social rejection, as it’s called in psychology, is innate. As humans, we learn to demonstrate pro-social behaviors so we can go along and get along with the group. So much of our brains are devoted to social interaction. Professionals, then, learn to flat-iron their hair, keep quiet about their partners and adhere to the “dress code” or “communication code” so they can be accepted.

When professionals don’t feel like they can bring their whole, real selves to work, they are unable to be fully present and engaged in their work. That’s just how it goes. People don’t leave parts of themselves at their front door when they head to the office. They bring everything and end up suppressing many things in order to avoid rejection. This isn’t just a problem for professionals who can often feel stuck, stunted and silenced when they can’t show up as their fully expressed selves in the workplace. It poses a productivity problem for organizations whose people can spend more time censoring and hiding themselves than owning and demonstrating their brilliance.

At the root of all of these is fear of losing … social connection.

And, there’s quite a bit of work organizations can and need do to create a courage-ready culture where everyone can connect, feel a sense of belonging and perform at their highest potential. It starts with supporting and equipping professionals to own and demonstrate their brilliance — brilliance that is informed by their unique experiences and backgrounds.

Professionals also have a personal responsibility to manage these fears to move their professional growth and development forward.

What can they do?

The answer is short and sweet: evaluate and reframe.

Managing the Fear:
Evaluate the risk

The brain wastes no time cooking up the worst case scenario of professionals losing all of their work friends or being banished to the periphery of projects for speaking up with divergent ideas or showing up as their fully expressed selves. This is all to keep their social connections and standing safe and intact. The brain works at lightning speed to identify and shield professionals from potential problems that could leave them isolated. It doesn’t, however, put in as much work to show professionals the possibilities that can come with courageously demonstrating their brilliance. This is why professionals must put in intentional effort to understand risks related to helping them take up space at work — whether that’s speaking up, stepping up or showing up. What happens if they challenge the consensus in the room? Give critical feedback? Become their friend’s boss? I’m not saying social side-eyes won’t happen. They might. What also may happen is that the door to possibility and professional growth opens. Moving beyond the fear of judgment, failure and rejection requires evaluating them wholly to put them in proper perspective.

In addition to evaluating the risk, professionals have to evaluate the reason why they would ever engage with fear of judgment, failure or rejection. Fear feeds off information. And, if professionals are not clear on why they would speak up, step up or show up on the path to professional growth, fear will feed off them … and leave them without the proper motivation and will to move forward. So, why would would professionals subject themselves to social side-eyes? Why would they flirt with rejection? It has to be for a worthwhile purpose. And, a worthwhile purpose will always be internally motivated and connected to their values.

The final area of evaluation focuses on internal resources. Professionals must determine if they have the confidence and competence to help them persevere through the risk of judgment, failure and rejection to move toward their internally motivated purpose.

Managing the Fear:
Reframe the risk

Today’s professionals are not the same as their prehistoric ancestors whose life literally depended on the aid and protection of the group around them. Moving forward from fear of judgment, failure and rejection, then, requires a bit of reframing, or what psychologists call “cognitive reappraisal.”

To start the reframing process, professionals can take a step back from (anticipated) pain of judgment, failure or rejection and get curious. What if fear was a guide, pointing them to information they didn’t previously consider or shining a light on an opportunity for self-improvement? If they followed the fear, where would it lead them and uncover? What if the potential of judgment and rejection, specifically, weren’t personal? What if the idea just wasn’t a good fit for the problem? What if people aren’t rejecting professionals for expressing themselves authentically? What if the look of rejection is simply onlookers dealing with their own fears and insecurities around doing something similar? What if professionals reframe failure as an opportunity to try again? Or a discrepancy with normal performance?

Evaluation and reframing can help professionals disarm these fears and, ultimately, get around them to help fuel professional growth this year.

If you’re a professional looking for one-on-one leadership development coaching to move your goals forward in 2023, let’s work together.

You could focus your ambition on managing a new project, expanding your influence or improving time management. The goals that deserve critical attention, though, are the ones that will help you consistently develop into a courageous leader — a leader who effectively guides themself or others to willingly direct their gifts and skills to the organization’s mission in the face of challenges and risks.

Now more than ever, organizations need leaders who have the adaptive and cognitive skills that can help position their businesses for the future. They need leaders who possess interpersonal and emotional skills that will allow them to foster inclusive relationships among cross-functional teams and help younger leaders thrive in a constantly shifting (corporate and non-profit) world.   

So, this year when you dust off your previous performance review to reassess old workplace goals and prepare yourself to select new ones, be sure to prioritize pursuits that will help you flex your courage muscle.

To help you get started, here are three valuable workplace goals you can establish and practice every day to help you navigate through uncertainty and lead courageously.

Take A Risk, Every Day. 

On the surface, setting a goal to take one risk each day may not seem like a serious or impressive aim. But, don’t be deceived. It is a powerful, foundational action you can take to propel you down the path of becoming a better leader. Risks are central to courage, making risk-taking central to courageous leadership. Risks are defined as situations involving exposure to danger or difficulty. And, those difficulties can manifest in the workplace in a moral, social or psychological capacity. Since we’re biologically wired to avoid danger, we can easily register risk-taking as antagonistic and maybe even unnecessary. But, taking risks also paves the way to growth. In fact, psychologist Abraham Maslow believed that people who actualize their potential make risk-taking routine. They choose growth over fear consistently.

Being a courageous leader means choosing growth over fear consistently. When you make a habit out of taking risks, you get consistent practice in acknowledging, settling into and taming discomfort. The leader who hasn’t practiced being uncomfortable may find current workplace challenges — that call for radical innovation, company culture overhauls and up-skilling employees — too overwhelming to address. That leader may double down on the status quo to avoid failure or keep quiet to circumvent humiliation. But, when you’ve built up the ability to be uncomfortable, you better position yourself to instigate change. 

Your commitment to taking risks every day is mutually beneficial for you and your employer. You walk away with self-discovery, improved skills and expansion of your comfort zone. Your employer increases its ability to fail fast, innovate and transform itself into a courageous organization.

The professional risks you take on a daily basis don’t need to be blockbusters. In fact, you should start small. Smaller risks provide opportunities to flirt with the unknown, interpret emotions, and evaluate outcomes in low-stakes environments.  They help you navigate within uncertainty without exposure to grave danger. Having success with small risks allows you to build upon those successes with larger risks involving larger consequences (and rewards). 

I have found that there are two main ways you can fulfill a goal of one risk a day. You can move through your day with a heightened awareness of what causes you discomfort and choose in the moment to take a risk. Or, you can plan your risks out each week. If you have a larger goal that you’ve set, you can identify smaller risks within the goal to tackle each day. 

Ask More Questions, Every Day. 

Curiosity has been hailed on list after list as one of the most critical qualities a leader should possess. It is a strong desire to know or learn something.  And, in today’s workplace and economy, there’s a lot to learn. Employers need leaders who ask more questions. 

You may think that this is an easy enough action and doesn’t require being made into a workplace goal. But, think again. Your brain is wired to make assumptions — to settle on what you think you already know. A common assumption you can make in the workplace is to think that things really are the way you see them — that there’s no room for growth or that the process will never change. Without asking questions, this assumption could prevent you from discovering creative solutions to an underlying problem. Another assumption you may hold is that the way you feel about someone is the way they actually are. This assumption, left unchecked, could lead you to misunderstand your teammates and complicate collaboration. You might even assume that you are smarter than someone who doesn’t share your point of view. Without probing for information, this assumption could prevent you from folding in other people’s perspectives and gaining a better world view of a challenge.  

Making assumptions is a way for your brain to conserve energy because assumptions offer an efficient way to process your environment.  But, to become a better, more courageous leader, you’ll need to challenge your assumption by developing a rhythm of asking questions. Curiosity fosters openness, creativity, growth, achievement and learning. On top of that, asking questions — for clarification or discovery — creates an entry point into intimidating conversations that you may have otherwise avoided. Your workplace goal to be more curious has lasting benefits for your company, too, because it invites awareness of external pressures, creative problem-solving, high-speed adaptability and better decision-making. 

There’s no right or wrong process for asking more questions. You do, however, want to be mindful of the energy you attach to the questions you ask out loud, in front of people. A line of inquiry that comes in an overly combative, intrusive or trivializing way may unintentionally deplete this goal from the goodness it offers. 

Make Meaningful Connections, Every Day. 

In an increasingly electronically connected workplace, personal relationships are essential. How often do you shoot off a text, email or Slack message to a teammate without considering whether you are connecting personally? 

Setting an everyday workplace goal to make meaningful connections with colleagues can help you build critical relationships that cultivate trust, respect and compassion — even as you challenge each other. What qualifies as meaningful? Experiences, conversations or other exchanges that provide value and have meaning to both people. If fact, meaningful connections often include elements of vulnerability because when you really connect, you expose your need to be seen, heard and accepted. That, in itself, is an act of personal courage. On the other hand, connections that are transactional or asymmetric (beneficial to only one person) can come off as superficial and dishonest.  It is especially important to be vigilant over the execution of this goal to ensure attempts to connect don’t turn into empty efforts to check a box. 

In my experience as a manager, I’ve seen that a personal connection goal can benefit teammates who have a fast-paced, competitive work-style and are more focused on projects than people. This type of goal can also help more passive employees prioritize relationship-building in a way that feels honest to them. A workplace goal focused on connection can assist you in showing up in relationships more powerfully and intentionally and help people to believe in you. In addition, your ability as a leader to better connect with your team helps your company better address the needs of and care for its people.

Setting a goal to make a meaningful connection every day doesn’t mean that you need to scheduled daily video calls with a different team member to get face time or ask them about their weekend. The only shift you may need to make is to purposefully elevate and personalize the conversations you are already having.

The Bottom Line

There are an endless amount of workplace goals you could set for yourself in the next month or year. But, the ones you should prioritize are those that will help you become a more courageous leader.

If you’d like to work with me one-on-one to save time and energy on the path to becoming a more courageous leader, let’s chat about coaching.

He was selling create-your-own snow cones and may or may not have offered me one. I can’t recall because the quote commanded most of my attention.

I had never considered life as an experiment … maybe an adventure or, at times, a struggle. But, experiment?

I grabbed a photo of the sign because I knew it was meaningful but hadn’t figured out exactly what meaning I would attach to it … until now. Through my work, I have come to understand that leveraging courage to tap into the fullness of potential requires an experimenter’s mindset. Here’s how the the experimenter’s process and the courage process align and lead to exploration.

Begin with inquiry.

When a scientist conducts an experiment in her lab, she often begins with a question for which she is trying to uncover the answer. She might ask, “does the color of a room affect human behavior?” or “Do women feel more powerful after listening to Beyoncé’s music?” Questions like these lead her to make observations, gather information, form theories and investigate them. Curiosity, then, is the foundation of the test and, ultimately, the trigger for discovery. It’s the first step in adopting an experimenter’s mindset.

Similarly, curiosity invites courage to the surface to help us engage with possibilities that can only be found within uncertainty. It isn’t until we deliberately ask ourselves or quietly consider questions like, “How would I perform in that leadership role?” or “What if there was a different process?”  that we open space for courage to join us on the uncertain journey of discovery. The process of courage, similar to the process of an experimentation, begins with a spark of an idea or change in awareness that calls you to wonder and explore.

Focus on the process.

Much of the work that comes after the inquiry is focused on the process of the experiment, or the method. A scientist may work for days, weeks or months designing and executing an experiment to ensure she isolates specific variables, captures the right data, has a solid measuring technique, and eliminates bias. She knows the reliability and validity of her experiment is directly connected to the rigor of her process, so the process is where she dedicates her attention.  It’s a valuable insight that also applies to courage. Courage is an adaptive process  that involves properly weighing the risks in front of you as well as the motivations and resources inside of you to better position yourself to follow the path of right action. It is the process a person goes through before, during and after a hard conversation with a teammate who made an insensitive comment or with a friend who habitually violates boundaries. Courage is not the result of the conversation. Like the experimenter, it is important for people who want to leverage courage to focus on the process.

Detach from outcome.

If a scientist approached an experiment committed to achieving a particular outcome, she could taint the test with researcher’s bias, which occurs when, “systematic error is introduced into sampling or testing by selecting or encouraging one outcome or answer over others.” Scientists can implement a range of checks and balances to reduce the presence of bias; one of the most valuable of those is detaching from the outcome.

Separation from outcome doesn’t equate to a reduction in eagerness, desire or intention. It clarifies, though, where those qualities should find expression: within the process, not the result. Additionally, detaching from outcome doesn’t mean the experimenter loses curiosity about the outcome. Rather, she resolves that it will be whatever it will be. Detaching from the outcome is also critical to courage because courage doesn’t guarantee success. It never has and never will. Courage, instead, opens the door to freedom, growth and possibility. When we detach from outcome, we simultaneously disarm fear — which aggressively tries to prevent less-than-ideal outcomes. Fear is inhibited from doing dirty work when we lift the veil of expectation.

Receive the gift of information.

When it’s all said and done, a scientist’s hypothesis may not be supported by the results of the experiment. That doesn’t mean, however, that she doesn’t take value away from the test. She does. She takes away information that was once unknown — information that can be applied to future experiments and expand her curiosity. In the same way, courage gives the person who conjures it the gift of information — information about what is possible, what the actor is capable of and how reliable their skills are.

The Bottom Line

I get it now — the sign on the vendor’s cart. “All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better you are.” Having an experimenter’s mindset leads to growth and discovery, and growth and discovery often requires courage. Conjuring courage can be a complex process, but it can also be made easier if we follow an experimenter’s mindset and process.

I uttered that phrase to an audience of HR professionals in higher education as part of a challenge for them to own their brilliance at work and in the world.

Almost as soon as I asserted the last word, I noticed what seemed like bewilderment and intimidation in some of their expressions — as if they were thinking: Who me? No. I’m not a genius.

Let me level with you.

Each of us is unique and imbued with brilliance that generates from our talents, perspectives, experiences and essence. In fact, an organization’s ability to reach its highest level of excellence is directly connected to each employee’s ability to exercise the fullness of their potential and power at work. It’s not always easy, though, for professionals to put their greatness on display if organizations haven’t invested deeply in creating a courage-ready culture where all team members feel respected and connected (more on that another day). It’s also not easy for employees to demonstrate their brilliance if they don’t recognize they have it. That’s where we’ll focus for now.

Through my partnership with coaching clients, I’ve come to understand that there is a critical mindset shift that professionals must make to step into the responsibility of courageously owning their brilliance  — to speak up, show up and step up in the workplace.

Recognize your brilliance.

How do you leverage personal agency to demonstrate your brilliance if you haven’t first recognized that you have it? It’s a pretty tough task to execute. So, let’s take a moment to make a mental shift and acknowledge that you’ve got the power.

The unique idea you have to increase customer feedback? It comes from your source of brilliance.  Your unmatched ability to use metaphors to break down complex concepts so people around you can get on the same page? Same source of brilliance. Your unconventional approach to a client’s campaign? Your brilliance, once again. It might be tempting to pass off these qualities as “nothing special.” And, many professionals do. It’s not surprising, then, when it’s time to own their brilliance — to defend their divergent ideas and express their values— they can’t find their voice or footing. That’s because recognition is a prerequisite for demonstration. For women, this recognition seems more clouded. Research shows that women find it more difficult than men to promote themselves and their abilities to employers. And, this external difficulty, may in part, originate from internal conflict.

In fact, if thinking of yourself as brilliant conjures feelings of anxiousness, it could be because you’ve accepted a narrow definition and corresponding mental image of the word. Brilliance can reveal itself as genius and call up images of Einstein. (Interestingly, research reveals that brilliance is often implicitly equated with white men.) But, the coveted quality is more accessible than that. It shows up as the bright light that emanates from uniqueness. No one thinks exactly like you or expresses ideas in the manner you can. No one has the identical make up of your background, education and experiences that informs your creativity and contribution. This isn’t just particularity nor is it self-inflation. It’s brilliance. It’s the source of light that, when fully leveraged, can elevate yourself and make your teams and organization shine.

The question is, do you recognize the stuff that makes you brilliant? Your brilliance can generate from your keen ability to listen intently and reverently. It can come from your inclination to to say “yes” to new ideas instead of dropping an easy “no.” The stuff that makes you unique, and thus brilliant, can come from the way in which you ask questions, feel empathy, present yourself to the world, approach life as an experiment or work up a plan.

If you’re feeling motivated, write down the qualities that come to mind that make you want to channel Jay-Z and brush your shoulder off. If you’re having a hard time lifting the veil of modesty, as a friend or family member what they think makes you brilliant.

The first step in owning and demonstrating your brilliance is first recognizing it within you. That’s the mindset shift you must make if you’re going to courageously step into your potential and power.

When it comes to courage, we cannot separate possibility from risk.

A listener called into The Courage Hotline podcast and asked me how stand in her courage — how to stand firm in saying how she wanted to represent herself in the world — without coming across to others as cocky.

The last part of her question engaged all of my senses … and my attitude, too.

Don’t worry about what other people think. Worrying about other people will have you out here playing small, staying stagnant, dismissing your own progress and ambition, and diminishing your own skills. Worrying about other people will have you taking away energy that is meant for developing your own potential and giving it away to people who (let’s be honest) are not really worried about you. 

I said those words to her on the episode while I simultaneously side-eyed all of her haters.

Then, I got serious to help her recognize she was trying to employ a courage hack that never ever works.

Courage Hack Not To Try

She was doing something that a lot of people try to do with courage, and that is: take the good that comes with courage and leave behind whatever is less-than-ideal. We try to take possibility with us and leave potential problems where they are.

“I want to achieve this really important personal goal that will shape how I show up in the world, but I don’t want to deal with a tinge of resistance.”

Many of us, like the caller, want to conjure the courage to be who we are, but we don’t want people to roll their eyes at us for being who we are. We want to have a hard conversation to gain the respect we deserve, but we don’t want the conversation to end with tension. We want to throw our hat in the ring for a personal or professional opportunity, but we don’t want to be rejected.

Spoiler alert: That’s not how courage works. THAT would be too easy (and quite honesty, too boring). 

If courage came with a guarantee that all would go as planned, it would be called by a different name and used like the toilet (which is all the time).

Try This Instead

So, the question becomes, what can you do to ready yourself for the not-so-warm-and-fuzzy outcomes that could accompany courageous action? The answer is not to try to hack courage. Instead it is to clarify, prepare and take responsibility.

When it comes to courage, we cannot separate possibility from risk. Trying to do so is futile. Courage, by nature, is risky. This means if there was no risk to the actor, there would be no need for courage.

1. Clarify potential outcomes. What are the less-than-ideal outcomes you want to avoid so badly? Is it failure, rejection or judgment? Clarify them, so you can calculate them. Calculate them so you can control them (as best you can).
2. Prepare for potential outcomes.  What if you were to fail? Or be judged? How would you prepare for those outcomes? How would you come back from a conversation that ended with tension? Anticipate outcomes, especially the ones you want to avoid, and consider how yo would deal with them if they were to happen.
3. Take responsibility for potential outcomes. Whatever happens, happens because we made a decision to move forward with courage. We are responsible for any outcome. The quicker we accept responsibility, the quicker we can evaluate results, learn from them and build on them.