Here’s the longer answer.

Both qualities support growth and adventure and help girls show up in the world with the confidence and passion.   But, mixing up the two would be like confusing Beyoncé and Rihanna. They’re similar, but different. The confusion between the two happens when people reduce their meanings down to: don’t let fear stop you. Whether fear is dormant or active, though, makes all the difference between these two concepts. 

Being Fearless

Being fearless literally translates to being without fear. Because fear is a natural, biological response, it’s impossible to cancel the emotion permanently. It is possible, however, to put fear to sleep.

The best way to achieve fearlessness is to successfully do something over and over again. Riding a bike down the same road with the same conditions every morning helps a biker anticipate every curve, decline and bump. The biker becomes familiar with the road … and fear becomes uninterested in the activity. Repetition builds competence and confidence, two internal resources that can rock fear into complacency, then put it to bed. 

But, if an unexpected element is added to the action – if the weather becomes hazardous or angry dogs chase the biker – fear rouses in a panic, shutting down the previous fearless state.

There’s another road to becoming fearless, but it’s far more dangerous to travel

Fear can be tricked into a slumber when a girl underestimates a risk and overestimates her abilities. This translates to her acting rashly, or without careful consideration of potential consequences. Carefreely riding a bike down an unfamiliar road with hidden dips and abrupt turns can create problems for the inexperienced biker that she should have anticipated. In this case, fear is unconscious for the action when it should, in fact, #staywoke. 

Being Courageous

The path to fearlessness often goes through courage. Being courageous means choosing to face fear or a threat for a worthy purpose. The presence of fear, not the absence of it, is part of the courage equation. Fear is awake, alert and active, which means any attempt to lull fear to sleep is pointless. The goal, then, to is put fear in its place and make it behave. 

A biker who wishes to pedal down an unfamiliar street in a shady neighborhood at night in the rain has a good chance of putting fear in its place if she’s identified a worthy cause for the action. Is she doing it to win a five dollar bet or to make it to an important audition? Consideration of her skills and resources to navigate the conditions are also important to managing fear. Did she recently learn how to ride a bike? Has she ridden in rain before? Does she have good balance? Does she have a light on her bike? Does she have enough stamina to make it up the hill? Does she have a cell phone in case she need to call for help?

Facing fear without being armed with convincing information about abilities, confidence and purpose makes for an intimidating confrontation – one in which fear goes unchecked and refuses to fall back.

Being courageous requires having and trusting strong internal resources in order to control and quiet fear. 

The Takeaway

Being fearless and being courageous are qualities that prevent fear from derailing forward motion. What makes the concepts different, though, is whether fear is present for the action. Fearlessness makes fear disappear while courage makes fear sit in a corner and behave.

Courage judiciously joins the sides of girls when their purpose for action is worthy. Why? Because a weak cause is not enough to overcome the fear associated with risky and threatening circumstances, like standing out from the pack or standing up to a bully. Instead, a strong purpose creates a solid foundation for girls to navigate upon. 

Courage co-signs purposes that are internally motivated and align with girls’ moral convictions. When this happens, ***Flawless is put on pause, and courage goes looking for its boots to get in Formation. 

Be Internally Motivated

External motivations, like attention or praise, can be mercurial and fleeting.  For example, if attention is the purpose behind a girl’s decision to dress opposite of conventional expectation, she’ll have to cross her fingers that the stares don’t stop or become unbearably uncomfortable. Once they do, motivation turns into mortification, leaving the girl to deal with what went wrong. On the other hand, the girl wearing unconventional clothing as a way to discover and express her identity is less swayed by anyone’s reaction. This gives her a fair shot at settling into the discomfort that goes with going against the grain. She does it for herself rather than someone else’s commentary or contemplation.  

Courage is its own reward; therefore, external motivations don’t bring it to the battlefield.

Clarify Values

Getting clear about morals and values can also help girls strengthen their cause for action. A girl who repeatedly witnesses the humiliation of another student because of the student’s heavy foreign accent may be called to action if she has identified fairness and respect as personal values to live out. Courage likes to ride shotgun in these instances. Standing up for the student involves several risks, including retaliation from the bully, isolation from other students, and even frustration from the ridiculed student for calling attention to the issue. Having strong values, however, can help the girl see past risks, act consistently with her values, and raise her voice. 

Girls can and should take time to write down values they admire and possess. When girls don’t have clear values to anchor their purpose for action, they will likely find themselves operating out of fear. 

The Takeaway

Courage has never minded putting up a good fight against fear and doubt when worthy and right causes are identified. If a purpose is rooted in external motivation or selfish desires, girls will have a hard time getting courage off the couch. 

I turned 35 today, and like a few other milestone birthdays, this one brought with it an irresistible charge to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned throughout the years.

Here are 35 of them I’d relay to my younger self and other girls.

1. Remember to play. Everyday.
2. Follow your curiosity.
3. Concern yourself more with feeling good than looking good.
4. Be careful who you tell your dreams to.
5. Spend more time doing than dreaming.
6. Force nothing … not your foot in a shoe, not your self in a relationship.
7. Cook more than you eat out.
8. Feed your creative soul.
9. Learn how to enjoy your own company.
10. Aim for excellence, not perfection.
11. Find the lesson in every defeat so you can get on with your life.
12. Ask (precisely, concisely and nicely) for what you want.
13. Avoid locking into labels. You will redefine yourself often.
14. Recognize people for who they are, not for who you want them to be.
15. Find your center.
16. Follow nature’s lead, and lean towards the light.
17. Discern between other people’s fear and your own.
18. Take your time, but don’t take too long.
19. Understand money as a tool, and know how to use it.
20. Hustle. Hard.
21. Go beyond your comfort zone. Often.
22. Err on the side of compassion.
23. Give your word, and keep it.
24. Master how to deal with disappointment.
25. Hold your middle finger high to oppressive gender stereotypes.
26. Learn how to throw: a jab, your hat in the ring and a side-eye.
27. Compare yourself only to former versions of yourself.
28. See as much of the world as you can.
29. Dance. Never stop dancing.
30. Care deeply about something.
31. Create your own brand of beautiful.
32. Use your wings to reach the height of your abilities.
33. Stay in touch with your parents, siblings and best friends.
34. Live like you mean it.
35. Pause now and then to recognize how magical you are.

Adolescence, the awkward transition period between childhood and adulthood, gives girls a choice to assert or conceal themselves, and the latter may be easier to do when girls’ body and personality changes intersect with oppressive norms and gender stereotyping perpetuated in social circles and the media. Their fear of standing out or being inadequate is enough to mute their voices and dilute their uniqueness … unless they’ve developed courage as a behavioral response.

Courage is considered the foundational virtue of every other virtue. Aristotle called courage “the first human virtue.” Poet Maya Angelou declared, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” And author C.S. Lewis said that courage is “the form of every virtue at the testing point.”

According to research, courage is generally accepted to be:

(a) a willing, intentional act, (b) involving substantial danger, difficulty, or risk to the actor, (c) primarily motivated to bring about a noble, good or morally worthy purpose.

With courage, girls can act freely—despite risk and fear—to be, defend and expand themselves.

Benefits Of Courage

Authenticity of Self. Authenticity is a turning away from “theyness” and a turning toward “youness.” This isn’t an easy task for an adolescent girl whose developing brains is consumed with social learning and is sensitive to peer opinion. She craves what mass culture tells her she needs and wants harmony in her relationships, even if it requires her to hush her own voice. Courage, though, allows her to be herself—her whole, authentic, fully functioning self. It allows her to develop her own style, dance to her own beat and, if necessary, settle into the discomfort of being different. Cooper Woodard, expert in Developmental Psychology, uncovered that, “The (courageous) choice of authenticity, over time, creates an honest acceptance of the self and autonomous thinking that is not governed by others or culture.” When a girl accepts herself, she gives permission to others to do the same.

Defense of Self. When girls display moral courage, they confront the fear of social disapproval to stand up for what is right in the face of opposition. This could mean that they seek to enforce ethical integrity or human rights for themselves or other people. Standing up to a bully on another person’s behalf, voicing opinions and reporting a wrong doing to a person of authority illustrates moral courage. Researcher Nelson H. Goud stated, “Not taking a stand, though, results in feelings of a failure of integrity … and guilt.” Moral courage, which is important in every situation, begins at an early age and is cultivated at home and at school.

Expansion of Self. Expanding the self includes increasing ability, awareness and independence. Courage is the virtue that allows girls to endure, persevere past and overcome fear in order to discover and exercise their individuality and gain fuller access to themselves. Courage helps girls meet and talk to new people, try physical activities they deem difficult and take a leap of faith toward a goal in the presence of doubt. Goud said, “It is the quality of courage that allows a person to step into the uncertainty of the unknown as [s]he chooses [her]self.” Without courage, fear goes unchecked, leading girls to play it safe and small so they don’t risk embarrassment or failure.

Courage allows girls to face the uncertainties of growing up and make decisions that are healthy and empowering for them. Building confidence, competence and connection are paths for developing courage.

Development Of Courage

Building Confidence. An important way girls can build confidence is through modeling. Girls need positive role models around them who illustrate perseverance, assertiveness, authenticity and strength. They need to see adults who base their self-worth on internal values instead of external labels and standards. What girls should see in role models is a “possible self.” Observing adults courageously respond to situations that girls may later encounter can increase the likelihood that they (girls) responds in a similarly courageous way. This means courage is contagious. Role models can help girls build confidence by encouraging them to take small gradual risks. Building on the success of each risk taken helps girls develop a breadth of responses to potential threats.

Building Competence. Building skills comes from repeated and successful practice. Similar to building confidence, girls should practice taking risks and habituating themselves to fear. Repeated exposure to situations that elicit fear and require action have been shown to lead to the development of courage in an individual. Mentors can play an important role in helping girls build competence by creating specific tasks that are meant to build their personal resources, like self-efficacy—the belief in one’s ability to succeed. For example, mentors can coach and position girls to meet new people until the girls feel they’ve gained the confidence and skills to do it on their own. While seeking out (repeated) experiences is important to building competence, so too is reflecting inward. After girls respond to fearful situations, they should assess the rightness of their responses and consider how to repeat or edit them in the future.

Building Connection. Making connections with people is one thing, but making connections with the right people is another. It is important for girls to surround themselves with friends who are confident, supportive, accepting and motivating. Friends’ feedback and verbal motivation has the ability to persuade girls to take courageous action. Girls want to include themselves in circles where courage is the norm and where they can align what they think with how they feel. In this case, not fitting in has more to do with a girl’s inability to choose courage or authenticity rather than a girl’s inability to achieve beauty standards.

The Takeaway

It’s not easy being an adolescent girl faced with social pressure and gender stereotyping, but developing courage during this complicated stage sets the stage for self-awareness and self-definition that can have a lasting impact on her well-being.

If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. -Audre Lorde